One
by MelodysSing
Summary: What would you do if everything you've ever known comes crashing down around you? Bella Swan had everything she ever wanted, the family, the boy, the friends, until one day she woke up and everything was changed. Six years changed. AU/AH.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Hey all :) Be gentle. It's my first time! ;) **

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to SM, I just steal them to have my horribly wicked way with them from time to time. **

**PROLOGUE**

_**LOVE.**_ All kinds.

The burn of lust that slowly turns and simmers into a mutual respect and adoration, the love you have for a friend or a family that you would do anything for…. And then there's _**LOVE**_….You know the kind. It knocks you off your feet so quickly that you aren't sure how you were ever able to stand. The kind where with one look, you lose your breath and you know, you feel it in your bones that you'll never be able to fully breathe again. That's the kind of love we crave, yet only a small handful of people ever get to truly experience. The all-consuming, starry-eyed, can't eat, can't think, can't breathe kind. The love that's able to destroy and rebuild and mend and shatter. The love that evokes pain, laughter, longing, and want. Love that burns so brightly, you live terrified that one day it will fizzle out. That's the kind of love everyone tries so hard to find. That's the kind of love I had, and I would rather live every day for the rest of my life in pain, remembering, then to have never experienced it at all.

With one look my world comes crashing down around me, with one name it brings me to my knees. One person who can see through the cracks of my carefully crafted face that hides my face. One word that is both my beginning and my end.

_**Edward.**_


	2. Chapter 1- Life's a bitch

**A/N: Annd.. here we go :) **

**Disclaimer: All Characters belong to SM, I just steal them and have my wicked way with them from time to time ;) **

**Chapter One**

It all started in a town called Forks, Washington. I know what you're thinking, and yes, it's as lame as it sounds. Not only because the closest form of entertainment was 30 minutes away, but also because there were only a small handful of people there that deserved an attention span of more than 3 seconds, myself included. I had dull brown hair that hit just past my shoulders, dull brown eyes that did nothing to highlight my not so prominent cheekbones, and awkward gangly everything. The only reason I ever got any attention at all was because of my best friend and the never-ending line of pimply faced boys that drooled behind her.

My best friend Rose was perfection personified. Tall, blonde haired, blue-eyed beauty with boobs that made me scream at mine to grow and feet that were somehow able to withstand hours of stiletto induced torture. She did everything in her power to make me a beautiful social butterfly. In her words,

"Bella, you'll never lose that cherry unless you're attractive to people who like to eat them."

Yes, she sounds like a crass bitch, and she is one to this day, but she's fiercely loyal, doesn't take shit from anyone, has the perfect shoulder to cry on, and will be the best person I've ever known until my last breath.

Where Rose was my shoulder, my brother Emmett was my rock. Literally speaking. He was 2 years older than me, had the body of an oversized gorilla, with the muscle mass of Arnold Schwarzenegger. He could be extremely intimidating, and had the mind of a 10-year-old. Over all my years, no matter how many pranks he pulled or infuriating things he did, one dimple filled smile and all was forgiven.

Jasper was a newer addition to our group at the time. He and his mother moved from Texas to get away from an abusive father, and the second he sat down in that chair next to me in English Lit, picked up a pen I had dropped, winked and called me "darlin'" I knew it destiny. Not in that fluffy I want to have your babies kind of way, but in the, you are the cookie to my monster, the tickle to my elmo, big to my bird type of way. I loved him like a brother, and kissed him like my imaginary boyfriend that I had when I was 5.

And then there was Edward. Edward is… was… Edward **was**. I would try to describe him but there aren't enough words in all the languages joined to express the myriad of god-like perfection that was Edward. He was tall, brooding, gorgeous with his bronze hair and his emerald-green eyes, but he was also mysterious, and funny, and dorky and extremely stubborn. He was everything I ever wanted, and he was all mine, body heart and soul. His sister Alice and him moved to Forks when I was 11 into a house three doors down. I saw them move in from my bedroom window, hiding behind the curtain, too scared and nervous to actually ever say anything to them. I knew all about them of course, Alice was 8 and Edward was 13, they moved from Chicago, and their family was beautiful. It wasn't until one day when Emmett was playing basketball, and I was dancing around to his music that I had to show my face.

**"Bella! Every time you move you distract me with your awkwardness! Get out of my face!** "

_"But Em… Daddy always says that distraction is a part of life, and life's a bitch so you have to shut up and learn to take it!..plus I'm making you better at your jump shot, which we both know needs work."_

**"GAH! Your face needs work! Go away Bells, go play with the new neighbors. They're outside now, go distract them. You're driving me insane!"**

And that was that. My older brother bullied me into introducing myself and I have never been the same since. One look into his green eyes and I knew that I would never look at another pre-pubescent boy again. As the years went, and voices cracked, and things sprouted up where they had never been before, it never faltered. It never swayed to any temptation. It was strong, and present, and all-consuming. That was my love for Edward. That was Edwards love for me. I thought that it would never change, and we would get the fairytale life that people only dreamed about. However, I quickly learned that what you think is going to happen, is generally never what does.

One party, one too many drinks, and one car proved to me just how wrong I was.

That was 6 years ago on my 21st birthday when Alice designated herself as the driver, when Alice decided to take a couple of "harmless shots", when Alice lost control of the car and rammed us into a semi-truck. That was 6 years ago when Alice lost her life, and when time stopped moving for me. Of course, I didn't know any of that until today.

Today. 6 years later, I woke up and was told that I had suffered from severe cranial damage that caused me to go into a coma... that I was never expected to wake up.

But guess what….** I just did**.

Well…. I guess life's a bitch and it's time to shut up and take it.


	3. Chapter 2- Where is Edward?

**A/N: A huge shout out , hug, and a major crush on IMAPARADOX for my first review :) Made my whole week! I was going to wait to upload this until tonight, but I just couldn't wait to get this story out there. I'm known for my impatience ... depending on how hectic my day goes, maybe another chapter this evening? Thanks for reading! Please review! **

**DISCLAIMER: All Characters belong to SM, I just steal them and have my wicked way with them from time to time ;) **

_**Chapter Two**_

_**Beep….Beep…..Beep….Beep….**_

Ugh…. Why hasn't Edward turned off the alarm? That beeping noise is going to be the death of me one day, I just knew it. I tried to move over to nudge Edward, but I couldn't move. Slowly, I opened my eyes to look around, but they wouldn't focus. After blinking a million times and straining, things finally started coming into view and I realized I definitely wasn't in my room.

Where was Edward?...

Where am I?

Last night was awesome. Awesome and…..foggy? I remember most things. Edward picked me up, took me to _Bella Italia _ in Port Angeles, where I, a little reluctantly purchased my first alcoholic drink. I had never been excited about birthdays, too much fuss and attention for a girl like me to handle, but to add to that already embarrassing fact that I was now expected to drink copious amounts of alcohol until I couldn't see straight? Yeah… consider me terrified.

"**So you sexy sexy girl, what are you going to order for your first drink EVER?!" **

I looked over at Edward and scowled. He smirked at me and winked, then picked up the menu and grabbed my hand across the table. "**Come on sweetheart, let loose for once! I love you baby, but you are the only girl I know that isn't ecstatic about all the free drinks that are about to come your way tonight."**

I looked up at him and tried desperately to change the subject."_Speaking of coming, are you planning on making this happen for me tonight?"_

"**hmm…that depends…it **_**IS**_** a brand new house we're in, it's only fair that we christen it somehow. Are you going to be a good girl for me?" **

I leaned in and whispered in his ear, "_Absolutely not! Seeing as it is my birthday and all, I do believe that 21 spankings should get us started on the right track." _

His eyes darkened, and I knew I had been successful in my distraction. I was starting to feel much better about this birthday, maybe I would be able to "let loose" and have a good time.

Did I really drink that much? Why do I feel so out of it? I remember being at Rose's house dancing and having overly emotional moments that only happen when Tequila is your friend, but why is everything so… distant? My ramblings were interrupted when the door slammed open. I looked over at 2 young women who seem to be dressed in, what is that, scrubs?

"_What's going on?" _ I attempted to talk, but there was something choking me, and that beeping sound was getting louder, and I tried to grasp for my neck but I could barely move my fucking arms, and why is everything so strange?!

"**Ssshh… Isabella, don't try and talk. Can you understand me Isabella? I know that this all must be very confusing to you. Hang in there, everything will be okay." **

Obviously my wide eyed stare was enough to assure them that I understood what they were saying, and the young redheaded nurse went on her way poking and prodding at my apparently useless body. I strained to remember anything from last night that would have made me end up here. Here being….. I'm not exactly sure. I just couldn't remember, but it was obvious that something was definitely not right.

It seemed like hours later, after endless torture of "how many fingers am I holding up?" "Do you know your name?" "Do you know what year it is?"

"_3…..Isabella Marie Swan….. 2007"_

The silence was deafening. The only thing that I could hear was the scratching of their stupid fucking pens on their stupid fucking clipboards, and all I wanted were answers.

Where was Edward?

They explained to me that I had been in a horrible car accident and had received severe trauma to my head. They said I had been in a coma and that they were going to have to do a lot of tests to determine whether or not there was any lasting damage, that it was a miracle at all that I even woke up. That I had been out of the world for 6 years and it was now the year 2013. I didn't care. I didn't care about any of it. All I cared about was Edward. Where was he?

_**Beep…..Beep….Beep…Beep**_

Interestingly enough, that beeping noise is now my only solace in an otherwise much to quiet room. It's been four days since I woke up. Four days of lying in the same hospital bed, not knowing anything except for the fact that Alice was dead, and Edward was nowhere to be found. Four days for me to come to terms with the fact that I have missed out on six years of… everything.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even hear the door open.

"**Oh my god, is she…. Can she hear me?" **

I knew that voice. I turned my head towards the hallway and saw the deep blue watery eyes of my best friend, covering her mouth and standing next to one of the nurses. Her hands were shaking, and I had never been so happy to see her in all my life.

"_Rose" _ I creaked out.

"**Holy shit! Bells, it's really you, you …you're…you're here a..and talking….and I thought that I had lost you forever!" **

She was a blubbering mess, that which I had never before seen on the likes of Rosalie Hale. She collapsed into the bed with me and sobbed into my neck.

"_sshh.. It's okay Rose. I'm here. I feel like I never left!" _ She looked up at me and I gave her back a small smile trying to lighten the mood.

"**But you did leave! You fucking left me and I thought I was never going to see my best friend again. I used to come and visit you every day, I prayed for Charlie to not take you off life support, and god bless that man for answering my prayers. He would be so happy." **

She looked at me with bittersweet eyes, and a gentle smile and somehow I knew that in my absence Charlie had passed away. I was still too afraid to hear about it.

"_Rosie, not that I'm not thrilled to see you, but … why am I seeing you? Where is Edward?" _I stared and waited for an answer, there had to be a logical explanation for why my fiancé, the love of my life, wasn't the first one to burst through the doors and sob their relief. Rose took a deep breath, patted my hand and said, **"Bells, there will be plenty of time to see everyone later. First we need to get you out of this hospital ASAP and home with me where you belong!" **

"_Rosie, I have a home. With Edward. You know, my fiancé? The one who isn't here? I belong with HIM. Does he even know that I'm alright?" _

"_**Bella.."**_

"_No Rosalie!" _ I interrupted _"I am sick and tired of everyone treating me like I'm some porcelain doll! I'm not going to shatter and break! The world isn't something you have to protect me from! It's me damnit! Treat me like you always do! I want some fucking answers about something, ANYTHING!" _

She was quiet for what seemed like a century. I wiped my face, and realized I had been crying from my outburst .

"_I'm sorry Rosie, I didn't mean to yell.. It's just… I'm just so confused, and the only thing that has ever made complete sense to me isn't here, and it just doesn't.. I just can't…. " _I broke off, unable to finish the thought. I was tired. It had only been four days and I was exhausted.

"**No, it's okay. I understand. Things must be really hard for you to grasp, and I'm not making it any easier, but Bells, are you sure you want to hear this right now? I really think we should wait until we can get you settled…"**

"_Rose. I need to know, please, PLEASE. I need to have something to hold onto that I know is just as true today as it was six years ago. Please, I'm not sure I can stay sane if I don't." _

I squeezed Rose's hand to get my point across, and watched as she stood up, sighed, took off her coat, fidgeted with her hair, paced the room, and sat back down on the bed to grab my hand again. Why was this so hard for her? Had Edward died in the crash too? Oh god! What if he wasn't okay?

"**Bella… Edward is… Edward is probably at home…with his wife." **


	4. Chapter 3- Darkness

**A/N: Back so soon? Why yes I am! I'm hoping that everyone is reading and enjoying this.. I'm a little nervous with every post since its my first fanfiction story...ever. :-/ Thank you so much for the reviews and the follows :) Every single one means so much to me! ... anyway... lets see what Edward has to say shall we? **

**DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to SM, I just steal them to have my wicked way with them from time to time ;) **

**Edwards POV: **

I hate the night. When there's night, there's darkness. It's different from what it probably is for you, from what it is for most people, actually. For me, the sun's a shield, its bright enough to block out bad thoughts, bad memories. During the day, the birds chirp, the lakes glisten and the warmth makes me feel like maybe there _IS _still some beauty left in the world. When the sun starts to disappear, that's when the memories haunt my shadow. The darkness creeps up and around me until I can't see, and my shadow? It doesn't even exist anymore. The sounds no one else can hear, the rusty smells no one else can smell, the screams that are my nightmares…and no matter what I do, no matter how much I drink or smoke or fuck, they Just. Won't. Disappear.

**Chapter Three**

"**Eddie honey, you know how important this is to me! I can't believe you would be so selfish." **

My wife is beautiful and I love her.

My wife. IS beautiful. And I love her.

MY. WIFE. IS. BEAUTIFUL . AND. I. LOVE HER.

Yeah, it still doesn't help no matter how many times I repeat it in my mind. I don't give a fuck what those new age books say, mantras don't work worth a shit. As I sit down at the kitchen table and run my hands tirelessly through my hair, I realize how tired I am…and how much I don't want to deal with this…. and that I'm a shitty husband. Damn, isn't that a horrible thing to know about yourself?

Don't get me wrong, I love my wife. She's wonderful, thoughtful, smart and the kind of woman who even supermodels envy. Long legs, perfect lashes, crystal blue eyes, and the longest, softest strawberry hair I've ever seen. When I look at Tanya, I see everything that doesn't remind me of everything I've tried so hard to forget_._

_Her._

After all, she WAS everything. I can't even think her name, and everyone who knows anything about me knows better than to bring it up. It's gotten better over the years. I've healed, I've grown up, finally been able to move on. I can honestly say that without Tanya, I wouldn't be here. She has saved me in more ways than one. She was the sun that scared away the darkness.

"**Eddie, are you even listening to me?! It's our 2 year anniversary for gods sakes! Look, when I met you I knew what I was getting into with you being a doctor. I get that it's a demanding job, and I'm not asking you to sacrifice that. What I AM asking is that you take one night. ONE NIGHT EDWARD and prove that you love me as much as I love you! Leave your work where it belongs for once. Don't bring it home to me. Just… Just be with me, be fully with me for once. Please." **

Tanya stopped and sank down into the chair across the table. Clearly she had given up trying to get through to me. I could barely look at her, especially with the tears in her eyes. I felt so guilty. When did I become this? The kind of man who can't even give 100% to the woman he vowed to love and cherish. I need to let go of what can never be, and give everything to what I chose. I will be better. It's the man who I have been raised to be. It's the man who from this point on I was damn sure GOING to be.

I stood up and walked over to Tanya. I gently picked her up and put her on my lap to try to calm her down enough that she would stop crying. _"Tan, do you know how much you mean to me? I'm sorry that I've been so distant lately, it's just work is really stressful, and today there was a little boy who was hit by a drunk driver. He.. he almost didn't make it Tan, and I don't know what I would have done if I couldn't have saved his life." _ I started talking faster to try to stop the memories of the past from seeping in. _"From this second on I'm all yours honey. I'm sorry. Do you forgive me? I promise I'll make it up to you, over and over again." _ Just to get my point across I lightly trailed my fingertips from her knee up to the bottom of her skirt and kissed her neck.

"**Oh Eddie" **She sighed **" you know I can't stay mad at you. I love you too damn much. Now stop being a crybaby and let me feed you the dinner that I slaved away on for HOURS while you were wasting your time doing silly things like being a hero, and saving people's lives. " **With that, she hopped up and went over to the oven.

"_Tan, is there anything I can do…." _ The banging on the front door stopped me mid sentence.

Tanya looked over her shoulder with a quizzical expression. **"I wonder who that could be? "**

I shrugged my shoulders and walked up to put my arms around her waist _" I'll go see what they want, and once I get rid of them… I'm going to come back in here and show you exactly what it is that I want." _

"_Alright, Alright, I hear you I'm coming!" _ I muttered. Jesus, who was banging down my door at this time of night, in this type of weather?

"**Edward man, are you in there? Open up, it's important! And it's fucking freezing out here dude! Come on!" **

I chuckled and finally opened the door with a smile.

"_Emmett buddy, what's going on?" _I smacked him on the back and maneuvered so he could get in the house. Before I could even offer to take his coat, he grabbed me and pulled me into a bone crushing hug.

"**I have something to tell you. Something really important that I think you might want to sit down for." **He pulled back from the hug to look at me, but was still hanging on my shoulders with the grip of death.

I scoffed and pushed him away. _"Em man, what is it? I'm not a child, why would I need to sit down? Just tell me whatever it is." _

"**Fine. Well, I need to sit down." ** He moved out of the hallway, into the living room and plopped down on the couch, I followed him and sat waiting for an explanation.

"**Edward, Rose was going to come here but I thought it would be best if you heard it from me. We got a phone call today."**

"_Good for you Em. I'm really proud that you've finally figured out how your phone works. What's this have to do with me?" _

"**Just listen will ya'? It's not fucking funny Edward, this is serious. The call was from the hospital." **He stopped talking again and looked up at me like I should be having some sort of fucking epiphany. If anything, I was more confused than ever.

"_Oh no Emmett, I promised Tan that I wouldn't bring any work stuff home with me tonight. Let's talk about it tomorrow and whatever it is you need help with I'll do what I can. I have to give my attention to her man, she's been so patient with me over the past few years and it's time that I start to show some appreciation." _I started to stand up and walk away but Emmett grabbed me by the arm and stopped me.

"**Edward. It's not about me. It's not about Rose or Jasper or the hospital or you. It's about Bella…. She woke up." **

I collapsed back on the couch as all my breath left me. Bella, my Bella woke up.

She.

Woke.

Up.

I didn't even hear the footsteps behind me, didn't notice the third person in the room. Barely understood her when she whispered,

"**Edward?...Who is Bella?"**

There was an uncomfortable silence, but I couldn't answer. I couldn't find words because at that moment there was an eclipse that blocked out the sun….and I had never been so happy for darkness.


	5. Chapter 4- Breathe Again

**A/N: Here we are again, not sure if many people are actually enjoying this story, but here's hoping! Please review! **

**DISCLAIMER: All Characters belong to SM, I just steal them to have my horribly wicked way with them from time to time ;) **

**Chapter Four**

I'm not a stupid girl. I understand reality well enough, even if now it was pretty damn difficult to come to terms with. I get that the world keeps spinning even if I'm taken out of the loop, that people grieve and mourn until finally the pain lessens and they move on and learn to continue living. I can't be mad at this, but….

I can't see.

The tears that have unwillingly sprung into my eyes are making everything blurry. I keep wiping them away but they keep coming back.

I can't breathe.

Every time I try to take a deep breath I start to panic.

Why did I have to wake up? Why did they keep me on life support for so long? They're selfish, all of them. Only caring about how THEY couldn't bear the thought of being the one to pull the plug on me. What about how I'm feeling? When my father died, didn't they realize that I may not want to come back to a world without him? When Edward got married, didn't anyone think about how absolutely devastating that would be for me? That my reason, my purpose would be erased, just like that? That maybe this wasn't a world that I wanted to come back to?

No…..this isn't my world. I don't belong here.

* * *

"**Bella… Edward is… Edward is probably at home…with his wife."**

I have to hand it to Rosalie, she doesn't back down for anything. She stared right into my eyes and told me that Edward had given up on me. It was silent for much too long to be considered comfortable and then…laughter. I laughed.

I laughed because it's absurd.

I laughed because that's the only emotion that I can handle.

I fucking laughed because I knew it was the truth.

"_Rosie… I think I'd like to be alone for a bit." _

She nodded her head, stayed for another minute and told me she understood.

"**Okay. I'm going to go take care of some things, go pick up your brother and tomorrow I'm bringing his ass in here to see you." **She stood up and stared at me. **"God Bella, I'm so happy. We've all missed you so much." **She leaned down and hugged me and before I knew it I was all alone again.

That was 2 hours ago, and all I can do is lay in this stupid hospital bed and listen to the thunderstorm. All I can think about is how I have to learn to live in a world that's six years different then what I know.

_Edward_ is _MARRIED._

That's something that I'm going to have to come to terms with. There's nothing I can do to change the situation, and I'm glad that he could find happiness when I wasn't able to be there to give it to him. But GOD it hurts to think about. I needed sleep. I needed to stop obsessing about something I have no control over and just ….. try to relax. Maybe when I wake back up I'll realize that this was all just a really bad dream.

* * *

Thunder… that's what woke me up…at least that's what I thought woke me up. I startled out of bed and looked around. There was a shadow in the open doorway, but it was dark in my room. All I could see was a silhouette, one hand against the door that had just slammed into the wall, the other against the door frame. Whoever it was looked like they were trying to hold themselves up to keep from collapsing on the ground.

All I could hear was heavy breathing and the drips of rain water coming off their clothes and hitting the floor. I wiped my eyes, sat up a little straighter in bed and squinted to see who was there.

"**Bella." **

It was quiet. A whisper floating across a silent room, but I would know that voice anywhere. My heart seized and the relief and pain were both overwhelming.

"_E..Edward?" _ The silhouette looked up and I could feel his gaze. It seemed like we were staring for hours, just coming to terms with the fact that we were seeing each other. Eventually he walked over to the bed slowly, carefully, as if he moved to fast I would disappear. The squeak of his wet shoes echoing off the walls and the tiled floor was the only noise besides our breathing and I was so afraid to move, afraid that I might wake up and realize he wasn't really there, that he hadn't really come.

He looked the same but…different. His hair was a disheveled mess that I knew was from him running his hands repeatedly through it and pulling it in every direction. His clothes were wrinkled and soaking wet, and his eyes…they were just as beautiful as I remembered.

His hand reached out and ran along my face, not quite touching but a ghost of what I ached to feel. I closed my eyes and leaned into his almost touch, relishing in the buzz that was always created when we were around each other. Finally, when I couldn't take anymore I reached up to my cheek and covered his hand with mine. He let out a shaky breath and I breathed it in. This was right. How could there ever be anyone else?

His hand twitched underneath my fingertips and the cold metal I felt brought me back to reality. I moved his hand off my face and looked… I had to see it for myself, had to know that what Rose said wasn't a cruel joke.

I stroked his hand from his wrist all the way to the platinum wedding band that was displayed so prominently on his third finger. It was almost beautiful how my tears dripped down into his palm, like he was trying to catch my sadness and make it disappear.

"**Bella…I…" **

"_Ssshhh…" _ I dropped his hand and moved mine up to his lips, and shook my head. _"Not yet… okay? Just… Please…" _ He nodded, broke his eye contact and looked down. I moved over on the bed and made room for him. As messed up as everything was, as devastated as I was, I needed just this moment. I looked up and pleaded with my eyes for him to understand.

A minute passed….. and then another, until he finally laid down next to me. His arms were shaky and uncertain but they had never felt so right. I closed my eyes, put my head on his chest and listened to the steady beating of his heart and pretended it still beat for me. I could feel his breath hitting the top of my head and felt his lips as they pressed against my hair. I couldn't help but smile and close my eyes even though I knew that he would eventually leave this hospital room and go back to his wife, because now, with his arms around me, I finally felt like I could breathe again, and I was determined to make this moment last forever.


	6. Chapter 6 - Memories and Messages

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read! This one was really a challenge for me, so please let me know what you think! Constructive criticism is ALWAYS accepted! I hope you enjoy :) **

**DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to SM, I just steal them to have my horribly wicked way with them from time to time ;) **

* * *

**Chapter Five**

"_**Alice I really don't want to play dress up. I HATE Valentines Day!"**__ I threw the $2 bejeweled Tiara that was previously in my hair on the dresser and sighed while I turned to look in the mirror. __**"Look, I appreciate the effort here to cheer me up, but the only one that can do that is EDWARD and he's not here.. he's in his dorm room, a million miles away in College… and I'm… I'm stuck in Forks with girlfriends who dress me up like a princess and take me to a movie to try to make it seem better." **__ I turned to look at Alice and could see the hurt even though she tried to hide it with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. _

"_I know Bella, I'm sorry.. I… I just thought it would help. Edward really wanted to be here and he made me promise to take care of you today so … please? At least pretend like you're enjoying yourself tonight? If not for my sake then for Edward? " _

_I raised my eyebrow at Alice to try to make it seem like I wasn't going to cave so easily. Those damn Cullens and their ability to disarm people with their stupid genetically perfect charm. _

_I wasn't intentionally trying to be a "such a gloomy day" kind of girl, I just really missed Edward. We both knew what our relationship would be like once he went off to College while I was stuck In Forks trying desperately to complete my senior year, but knowing doesn't make it any easier. I flipped open my cell phone and saw that there weren't any new text messages, sighed and nodded my head. _

"_**You're right Al. I'm sorry I'm being such a bitch.. it's just hard, ya know? My whole life Edward was right next to us, and now I feel like all I do is wait for the next phone call or text" **__I paused for a moment and looked up at her __**"anyway! So… what movie are we seeing?" **_

**_-~XxX~-_**

* * *

_The movie was alright, but it was a romantic comedy and it made me miss Edward more than I already did. I put on a fake laugh and a smile though, for Alice's sake. She was trying so hard, and I felt like a bitch because all I really wanted to do was go home and lay in bed with a good book and pretend that my life didn't revolve around my morbid self-pity. _

"_**Thanks for the night Al, you were right.. it was fun!" **__I wasn't very good at hiding my eagerness to get inside and end this horrible day. I had one hand on the door, the other clutching my house key. _

"_Yeah yeah, get out of here you big downer." _

_I smiled and bumped her with my shoulder. _

"_Hey Bella, just don't forget that I'm still here. I know it's not who you really want, but I love you too… and you're not the only one that misses him." She gave me a hug and gently pushed me out of her car. _

_She was right, I needed to stop moping. I still had Edward after all, he was just farther away. I turned around and watched her car turn off my street. With a sigh, I walked up to my house, put the key in the lock, but to my surprise the door was already cracked open. __**"That's weird, Dad would never leave the door unlocked." **__ I got out my phone, pressed 9-1 and slowly walked inside. I stopped short once I took a look around. There was a soft glow from candles that were lit in the living room, and rose petals leading a trail from the front door. I looked around with confusion, what in the HELL was going on? _

_I put down my phone and followed the petals through the living room, up the stairs and into my room. My heart missed a beat as a fleeting thought of Edward crossed my mind. There was no way, was there? He told me he couldn't make it down for the weekend. I sucked in a breath and opened my bedroom door, trying not to get my hopes up if they were about to come crashing back down. _

_My room was a disaster. A rainbow of colors and cut out hearts that had been hung from my ceiling. What the HELL? I stopped and looked around… were there…writing on the hearts? I grabbed the one closest to me and ripped it out of the ceiling into my hands. _

**-~- I love you. -~-**

_I gasped, and looked around. _

"_**Edward?" **__ NO response. I went to the next heart and grabbed it in my hands. There were a TON of words… and it was Edward's handwriting. _

**-~-When I was 14 I broke my arm. I had this cast that I hated, and you covered the entire thing with your name. I didn't let anyone else sign it after that. From that moment on, I loved it. I didn't want my arm to heal because I wanted to have a piece of you with me, always.**

**That was the first time I knew I loved you. -~-**

_Tears sprung into my eyes as I moved further into my room and read more of the hearts. _

**-~-I love the way you bite your lip when you're nervous.-~-**

**-~-I love you because you make me a better person -~-**

**-~-When I was 17 I asked you to prom. You told me no and forced me to go with Angela Weber, the shy socially awkward school geek. You told me to make her feel like she was the most beautiful girl in the room. **

**I love you for your compassion -~-**

_God, how long did this take him? There had to have been 200 hearts hung from the ceiling. I stopped at the foot of my bed. There were rose petals everywhere and a HUGE cut out heart in the center._

**-~-When I was 20 I asked the love of my life to always be mine. For richer or poorer, in sickness and health, 'til death do us part. **

**Please…always be mine.**

**Marry Me-~-**

_Everything in my hands dropped to the ground. I couldn't move. I heard the door open behind me and I spun around. Edward was leaning on the door frame with his hands in his pockets, and a shy smile on his face. I couldn't do anything except let the tears run down as I soaked in that this was really happening. I closed my eyes, took a breath and looked back up to answer him. Only, when I looked back up, Edward was laughing. _

_"did you…oh god…were you really going to answer? Did you think this was serious? …. I wasn't REALLY going to marry you Isabella. How could I? I don't love you… not really. I love someone else, and she's ALREADY my wife. " _

_He moved away from the door frame, walked up and gripped me hard by the hair so he could put his face next to my ear. _

"_You're kind of pathetic, you know that? Expecting me to wait for you. What was I supposed to do, wait forever? Move on, little girl. I will never be yours again." _

**_-~xXx~-_**

* * *

I shot up in bed, startled awake from the horrible nightmare. I was completely drenched in sweat, and it took me a minute to get my bearings.

Oh… that's right… still in the hospital. I laid back in the hospital bed and closed my eyes trying to catch my breath.

Edward's proposal is one of my favorite memories. I'll never forget how loved I felt when I walked into that room full of hearts, and he asked me to be his forever. I looked down at my left hand and subconsciously played with the bare skin of my ring finger. With a sigh, I dropped my hands back down on the bed. There was a crinkling under my fingertips, and when I closed my hand, it closed around a piece of paper.

_**My Lovely Bella, **_

_**I'm sorry that I left without a word. You looked so peaceful and I didn't want to wake you. I wish I had the courage to stay and talk to you, but a lot of things have changed over the years and I think it would be better if I wasn't the one to tell you. I don't think I could stand to break your heart. Please don't be mad. I'm overjoyed that you are back in our lives and words can't express how much it meant to be with you today. Before you know it, you'll be out of this hospital bed and back where you belong.. with your friends. I can't wait to have my best friend back. **_

_**Yours, **_

_**Edward. **_

I must have read that note a thousand times. Over and over again, dissecting and re evaluating every single word that he had written. Where I _belong_? He couldn't wait to have his _best friend _back? Who was he? _My Edward_ is NOT this big of a coward. I don't even know this man.

He said he couldn't stand to break my heart.

Huh.

Silly Edward, how can someone be broken if they're already shattered to pieces?

After staring at his messy scrawl for as long as I could stand it, I scoffed, finally crumpled up the paper and threw it across the room. I don't know what I was really expecting, but this cold detached letter was not it. I leaned back against my pillows, closed my eyes and let out a breath. _I'm so tired of crying. _ Even as I think the word, a tear rolls down my cheek. I feel like I don't know anything, I don't know any of these people anymore, and I sure as shit don't know where I fit in. The way I felt when Edward was away at college is nothing compared to the crippling realization of how completely and utterly alone I am. For the first time in my life, I have no idea what to do, where to go.. or… or.. _who to be… _and it's terrifying.

* * *

Denial is a funny thing. The way it sweeps in and consumes every ounce of your logic without you even realizing that it's happened. I was in denial when they told me I was in a coma. I was in denial when Rose told me that Edward went and got married. I was in denial until I read that letter, and then the skies parted, the clouds cleared, and logic came back in and won the fight. Edward…._MY Edward _was dead. He died with Alice in that car crash. The person that left me this letter isn't mine to claim anymore. I can't write my name across his cast and I can't get us back to where we once were. _My Edward _would want me to wake up, move on, and keep living.

I owed it to him, to Alice, and to myself to make sure that I did just that.


End file.
